WOW. What. A. Week.
That's all I've got for the last 6 weeks. I am blessed to have friends I am able to continue studying the Word with via email. It really is helping me to remember who is in control and who I need to be focusing on during this time. There are so many things to be thankful for right now among this pandemic- something we've never experienced before. There are also things that bring about many negative emotions- anger, sadness, frustration, fear, exhaustion.
But I keep reminding myself in the quiet of the night, when the kids are asleep, that God is the source of peace. HE is the only one who can steady my anxious heart and equip me to parent well during this time. And he is also the one pouring out mercy and grace when I screw it all up, lose my temper, and throw tantrums alongside my toddlers.
I am reading a book by Lisa Whittle titled, Jesus Over Everything, and it is perfect for this season. I have to keep Jesus over every single moment of the day. I have to be okay allowing myself to release emotion and ugly cry. I can't keep it all together- today proved that.
I am at the same time doing a study on Psalm 119 with a friend. It has been so sweet to stop at the end of a long day and let the words of the Spirit literally wash over me. There is nothing like those moments when I can sit alone worshiping and remembering all God has done and all he can do.
I was painting my daughters room today with Kari Jobe's album, "The Garden," as my soundtrack. The whole album is one of my favorites, but the title song is so beautiful.
"I realized/ you never left/ and for this moment you planned ahead/ that I would see your faithfulness in all of the green...Love is lifting me from sorrow/ catching every tear/ dispelling every lie and torment/ crushing all my fears"
This song is exactly what I needed in that particular moment today. As a mom, I am always fighting the voice of the enemy- fighting to believe that God will equip and empower me to be the best mom and wife I can be. But sometimes it is exhausting and all of those discouraging thoughts get the best of me instead. I am so thankful the Holy Spirit speaks to my broken heart every day.
None of this is any surprise to God. The pandemic. The public panic and distress. The pain and sorrow many families are facing. All of my really hard days as a mom and wife. Absolutely none of it comes as a surprise to HIM. I am continuing to learn how to respond to all of these things, though, that DO come as a surprise to me. Some days, like today, my head and my heart say two different things, "Jesus, help me!" and "I can't do this anymore! I give up!" Even that isn't surprising to God.
Then I have to make a choice: go to bed frustrated and worn down from a doozie of a day OR fight my flesh, read my Bible and spend some time in God's Word allowing my soul to be refreshed.
Tonight I chose the latter. I don't always, and I suffer the consequences. But when I sit with God, taking intentional time to release and refill, everyone reaps the benefits. It doesn't mean tomorrow will be an awesome day, but it does mean I will wake up filled, remembering how sweet the time I spent with the Lord was; how I fought my flesh to binge watch a show and rather sat with God, allowing him to fill up all the empty and worn spaces of my heart.
I won't wake up tomorrow with the unrealistic expectation I won't lose my temper or my toddlers will be perfect angels. I'll wake up knowing I prioritized my time with the Lord, knowing he is the healer and comforter of my soul, over my feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
A garden can't grow without water, so sometimes, it has to rain... sometimes there are storms, but it prevents the land from drying up. I had a dream once, I fully believe it was from the Lord, of a farm. The land was being tilled and fertilized with manure. It smelled bad, its wasn't pretty, but in the end, that land was ready to produce growth, a new harvest. Walking in faith and relationship with Christ doesn't mean sunshine and rainbows everyday. It's knowing and believing the storms and gray days, the painful, crappy seasons, are all going to produce new growth and renew the things that were dying. Sometimes, you just have to have a breakdown and let Jesus do his work. Sometimes, we just have to put ourselves to the side, get silent, and listen to discern how the Holy Spirit is moving in our midst, because he is always moving.
That's all I've got for the last 6 weeks. I am blessed to have friends I am able to continue studying the Word with via email. It really is helping me to remember who is in control and who I need to be focusing on during this time. There are so many things to be thankful for right now among this pandemic- something we've never experienced before. There are also things that bring about many negative emotions- anger, sadness, frustration, fear, exhaustion.
But I keep reminding myself in the quiet of the night, when the kids are asleep, that God is the source of peace. HE is the only one who can steady my anxious heart and equip me to parent well during this time. And he is also the one pouring out mercy and grace when I screw it all up, lose my temper, and throw tantrums alongside my toddlers.
I am reading a book by Lisa Whittle titled, Jesus Over Everything, and it is perfect for this season. I have to keep Jesus over every single moment of the day. I have to be okay allowing myself to release emotion and ugly cry. I can't keep it all together- today proved that.
I am at the same time doing a study on Psalm 119 with a friend. It has been so sweet to stop at the end of a long day and let the words of the Spirit literally wash over me. There is nothing like those moments when I can sit alone worshiping and remembering all God has done and all he can do.
I was painting my daughters room today with Kari Jobe's album, "The Garden," as my soundtrack. The whole album is one of my favorites, but the title song is so beautiful.
"I realized/ you never left/ and for this moment you planned ahead/ that I would see your faithfulness in all of the green...Love is lifting me from sorrow/ catching every tear/ dispelling every lie and torment/ crushing all my fears"
This song is exactly what I needed in that particular moment today. As a mom, I am always fighting the voice of the enemy- fighting to believe that God will equip and empower me to be the best mom and wife I can be. But sometimes it is exhausting and all of those discouraging thoughts get the best of me instead. I am so thankful the Holy Spirit speaks to my broken heart every day.
None of this is any surprise to God. The pandemic. The public panic and distress. The pain and sorrow many families are facing. All of my really hard days as a mom and wife. Absolutely none of it comes as a surprise to HIM. I am continuing to learn how to respond to all of these things, though, that DO come as a surprise to me. Some days, like today, my head and my heart say two different things, "Jesus, help me!" and "I can't do this anymore! I give up!" Even that isn't surprising to God.
Then I have to make a choice: go to bed frustrated and worn down from a doozie of a day OR fight my flesh, read my Bible and spend some time in God's Word allowing my soul to be refreshed.
Tonight I chose the latter. I don't always, and I suffer the consequences. But when I sit with God, taking intentional time to release and refill, everyone reaps the benefits. It doesn't mean tomorrow will be an awesome day, but it does mean I will wake up filled, remembering how sweet the time I spent with the Lord was; how I fought my flesh to binge watch a show and rather sat with God, allowing him to fill up all the empty and worn spaces of my heart.
I won't wake up tomorrow with the unrealistic expectation I won't lose my temper or my toddlers will be perfect angels. I'll wake up knowing I prioritized my time with the Lord, knowing he is the healer and comforter of my soul, over my feelings of guilt and inadequacy.
A garden can't grow without water, so sometimes, it has to rain... sometimes there are storms, but it prevents the land from drying up. I had a dream once, I fully believe it was from the Lord, of a farm. The land was being tilled and fertilized with manure. It smelled bad, its wasn't pretty, but in the end, that land was ready to produce growth, a new harvest. Walking in faith and relationship with Christ doesn't mean sunshine and rainbows everyday. It's knowing and believing the storms and gray days, the painful, crappy seasons, are all going to produce new growth and renew the things that were dying. Sometimes, you just have to have a breakdown and let Jesus do his work. Sometimes, we just have to put ourselves to the side, get silent, and listen to discern how the Holy Spirit is moving in our midst, because he is always moving.
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