Skip to main content

Reflections in the Dark

 Sitting in a rocker, in the dark, a sound machine blasting "beach waves," I forget about the chaos of the day for a moment. 

The frustrating moments.

The tantrums.

The nap refusals.

The sass.

And I just hold on to this moment, rocking my big 4 year old as he falls asleep in my lap.

His face isn’t that of a baby anymore. He’s a little boy now.
Growing and changing every single day.
When he asks to cuddle, everything else stops, because one day will be the last day he requests to snuggle his mama.

I know there are trials ahead.
I know the frustration, worry, overall consuming “mom life” is not going to end or get easier- it will just change as he gets older.
And I’ll find ways to adapt and change with him.
I’ll still be relying on many minute prayers throughout my day.
Still relying on Jesus to get me through it.
And still relying on my favorite coffee shop to supply me with quality caffeine & peaceful escape.

But for now, I’m going to sit in the moment.
Sit with this little boy cuddled on my lap.
Sleeping soundly.

Praying the Lord will bless him and draw him near to Himself.

Praying and surrendering him to Jesus, trusting He knows him and loves him more than I ever could.

For now, I love on him and keep him safe.
I teach him.
Guide him.
And snuggle him every. Single. Time.
For now, I stop thinking about the frustrations of our day and rest in knowing he feels loved and secure.
Rest in knowing he is God’s gift to me and it is an honor and privilege to raise him and watch him grow.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When the Waiting Ends

 I have less than one week left of summer vacation.  One week to soak up time with my kids before I step into a new season I thought wouldn't come for a few more years- if ever.   Back in January, I wrote about holding dreams tightly in the heart and loosely in the hands. In the midst of a Bible study with friends, I had come to the point of accepting I may never serve families and children with special needs in the capacity I desired again. I had come to the point of saying, "Volunteering for  Buddy Break  may be where I serve. I'll show my kids how we love on these families. I'll let you (Lord) use me where you will. You gave me this heart for these families. Lead me to where I should go and guide me in how to serve. Help my heart to be content in this season. " Fast forward to April sometime. I was sitting with my dear friend, sipping lattes at our favorite spot, enjoying our once weekly coffee date. Special ed came up (naturally, as she's a teacher). The ...
Post a Comment
Read more
Well, I officially broke my streak by taking a month break in March.  Now, it is nearly the end of April and here I am just getting to writing words for this month.  To be honest, I'm struggling as the reality of my one good friend moving away is closing in. It is such a bittersweet time. I am beyond thrilled and excited for her new adventure; for the new chapter ahead of her! But, I am also selfishly wishing she didn't have to go.  Making friends, no matter your age is hardly easy. Maybe my expectations of what true friendships look like is too high. Maybe... just maybe there are other people who long to have real, vulnerable relationships. I know, I wrote about this in February; I'm obviously passionate about authentic friendships.  However, I'm learning a good, hard lesson in this season of loneliness (while ironically surrounded). As I continue to make spending time in God's word part of my everyday routine, I am learning even more about what it means to find my...
Post a Comment
Read more

Pouring In to Build Up

  Relationships.   They're sticky and scary; often surface level.  In my own experience, it seems folks don't want to lean into relationships with authenticity and vulnerability. Instead, we often keep walls up to keep ourselves safe and others at a distance. After all, who has time to pour into another person, right? Who really wants to know messy stuff happening behind the scenes? Wrong. The problem, in my personal opinion, is we don't realize the great responsibility we have to one another.  We were literally made for relationship.  We are told in the Bible to build one another up. (1 Thess. 5:11) Love one another. (Romans 12:10, John 15:12, 1 John 4:11) Encourage one another. (Hebrews 10:24-25) Walk with and teach one another. (Titus 2:2-8) And for some reason we refuse to do that.  As I continue to grow in my personal relationship with Christ, I am learning to see the areas and spaces around me that (honestly) need a complete overhaul.  As a teena...
Post a Comment
Read more