When the Waiting Ends

Well, I officially broke my streak by taking a month break in March. 

Now, it is nearly the end of April and here I am just getting to writing words for this month. 

To be honest, I'm struggling as the reality of my one good friend moving away is closing in. It is such a bittersweet time. I am beyond thrilled and excited for her new adventure; for the new chapter ahead of her! But, I am also selfishly wishing she didn't have to go. 

Making friends, no matter your age is hardly easy. Maybe my expectations of what true friendships look like is too high. Maybe... just maybe there are other people who long to have real, vulnerable relationships. I know, I wrote about this in February; I'm obviously passionate about authentic friendships. 

However, I'm learning a good, hard lesson in this season of loneliness (while ironically surrounded). As I continue to make spending time in God's word part of my everyday routine, I am learning even more about what it means to find my joy in Jesus. 

In college, I was determined to be by myself. I didn't need anyone else and "church people" were just that... fake people. I couldn't be convinced otherwise at the time. Then, one night during a special chapel service, a good, dear friend of mine prayed  over me and washed my feet; even used his cardigan as a towel (and he really loved cardigans). 

Foot washing has always been something that sort of weirded me out, but Jesus humbled himself to wash the dirty, stinky feet of his disciples. The King of Kings. Down on his knees to serve his disciples. 

Now, here I was sitting in the gym at Nyack College, feeling sort of weird, but also totally broken and trying to hide it all. It didn't matter how much I pushed back, how hard I tried to shut this friend and a handful of others out, they kept reminding me they were there and that God wasn't going to leave me either. 

I still talk to these people, of course, but it is rare. I haven't seen them in a few years- I'd love to have a reunion and be able to speak directly to them, thanking them for being Jesus to me. For being the kind of friend who set the standard for all the friends to come. Can I just clone them?!

I recently heard the song No One Ever Cared for Me like Jesus by Steffany Gretzinger and felt the tears fill my eyes as I heard the Holy Spirit speak to my heart, "I haven't left you." 

All of these friends, whom I love so deeply and miss, have one thing in common; God brought them into my life. 

But, more importantly, as the seasons have changed, as our friendships have changed, God has remained constant in all of our lives. I am thankful for the friendships that have taught me to have high standards for friends. I am thankful for the Spirit of God that speaks to my soul as I seek Him in the Word. I am thankful for how true friends love and care. I am more grateful for how JESUS cares for me; especially in absence of true, authentic friendship. 

Friends come and go with the changing tides of life. And I'm learning to be okay with that. I am learning it is OK to have those high standards, because I know I will be ready to give my time and energy to love and care for the friend(s) God brings into my life. Just like God isn't interested in my having a lukewarm, surface relationship with Him, I'm not interested in lukewarm, surface friendships. Life is too precious and short to be wasted on casual conversations that never break the surface. 

So, for now, I'll enjoy my friend while she is still here. We will continue to meet for coffee chats, talk real life, laugh, cry, break bread. Then, we will do our best to stay in communication and visit once she moves away. No doubt in my mind she, and the others I've referenced, will be forever friends. Friends who you pick up with right where you left off, even if there is 7 years in between. Because those friendships are real. They are authentic. They are forever blessed. God ordained. 

Jesus is so kind to give me these precious people in my life. And He is so kind to remind me each of them is a gift from him alone. As much as these people love and care for me, as much as I love and care for them, Jesus loves us all better than we could ever imagine and in a far greater way than any human ever could. 

In each season, I will find my joy in Jesus. I will continue to cling to Jesus and what His word says. I will continue to pray He brings special people into my life so we can share in friendship that goes beyond just the happy, easy things. 

Be sure to thank your friend today. Be sure to thank Jesus for loving you so much and bringing that friend into your life. Don't miss the sovereignty of the God ordained relationships in your life. 

*Thank you, you know who you are, for being the hands and feet of Jesus to me. For being a friend who remains in the good, easy seasons and the hard, ugly seasons. I thank God for you!